I wish that I could process this, but I can’t just yet. Tonight ended my coursework at Fuller – all that remains is two assignments I don’t have the heart to take seriously. That’s a little hyperbolic – I care still, but not because of the need to punch the last hole on my time-card – what I mean is that this feels so anti-climactic.
The truth is that I’ll only be able to get a grip on this with the aid of some distance. Whatever lessons were actually worth learning in my time here will be known as such after the fact. I’d have to say that in my mind I’ve been elsewhere (well here but not here….here but disinterested with anything not post-Fuller at Fuller). But really, what is post-Fuller will determine what Fuller was to me. A lot happened in Fuller I may not have realized was part of post-Fuller (there’s a little more of the book of Isaiah in my Biblical salad than would have been otherwise and even my poorest experiences were formative) but still their significance is determined in the outside – even if that outside is still physically inside Fuller.
Perhaps this is the danger of knowing what I want to do and realizing that Fuller wouldn’t directly provide me with the tools to get there. Perhaps it is due to the frustration that I’ve been anticipating a steep amount of self-study and take-home work (not to mention pay the bills work) that my mind has been out that door. Still, Fuller has been a great place to keep being drug back into & it’s taught me some things I didn’t want to learn.
I don’t know what more to think, but I can see a couple things floating around out there and wanted to get a few of these possibles scrawled on the wall somewhere.